As I have previously mentioned, I recently graduated. About a week ago from right now actually! I’m now at home, trying to wrap my head around everything, and also spending hours upon hours a day on my laptop searching for work.
The downside of all of this, is that two days before I was set to walk, I dislocated my knee. For those of you who have never experienced this before, it’s not that great. You’d think ‘oh, it’ll heal in like a week right? It’s just a dislocation.’
Wrong. It hurts like no other, and takes about 6 weeks minimum to heal completely. In the meantime, that means no exercise for that leg, lots of rest, and no summer work for me until that gets fixed. It’s so lame.
I was talking to my mom about this the other evening, and she told me that this all means something. And that in life, things don’t just happen for no reason. While I was in college, I always had something on my agenda. Every year, my responsibilities built up. Senior year alone, I had a job, two internships, a full load of classes, and also tried to make sure I spent time with my friends. I was burnt out. The semester before I had an internship in the city on top of everything else, and had to wake up at 3 am every other day of the week.
Every time my mom would call me at school, I would have to cut the conversation short, because I would have something to do. She told me that this is all a sign that I need to relax. It’s forcing me to take a step back, and learn what a simple life is all about.
I did a lot of self discovery in college, especially when I traveled abroad. But I never took a moment to sit and appreciate what was happening in my life. Now, all I can do is think. And I’ve been thinking a whole lot.
In school, I used to be more dependent on people. I had so many friends to turn to, that instead of thinking about things that I probably should have addressed, I would blow off my alone time and resort to hanging with my room mates. Now, I have me, myself, and I. Because all of my close friends are at least an hour away from me.
I think I’ve always been afraid to be alone with my thoughts. It often brings me down, and makes me sad. But it’s necessary. Kind of like how my knee is rebuilding itself after falling down; so is my mind.
I’m realizing a lot about myself, and my friends at school and my experiences. Who was temporary in my life, and who I know will be there in the long run. My family always warned me that after college, things died down a lot and simplicity entered your life. I refused to accept that at such a young age. But maybe we have to sometimes.
I think people fear being alone. Because it’s dark. Empty. And the only person you can face is yourself. But it’s one of the best things you can do. I’m only at the beginning of this process, but I am so curious to see what will happen on the other side.
It’s going to be a rough internal journey, but I encourage everyone to do so. To take a moment and breathe. Do it for yourself.
Until next time,
~She believed she could, so she did.~