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Coffee Chat: Feeling Lonely

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Hello Friends!

I’m excited to be back writing my beloved coffee chats. And I’m actually sipping on a late night cappuccino right now, so you could say I’m quite content.

My mind has been swirling with ideas lately. Most creative, as I am graduating in 39 days from my university and have a list of creative projects I want to take on/maintain (my blog being one of them!) while I search for employment.

As I am stepping out of another phase of my life, it frightens me that I’ve hit my wall. 22 years old, and finishing schooling forever. I thought about it, and realized that I am not packing up my room to just return in the fall. I’m done. Finished. We’re out. *drops the mic*

No, but seriously. All of the people I have the pleasure to see everyday at work, in class, and across campus. The ones I have dinner with in the dining hall. The friends I grab coffee with at Starbucks. It’s all going to fade away.

Now I understand I’m being a bit dramatic here. Because in this world of social media, there is no excuse to not stay in touch. The problem is, while I know I have my inner circle of friends, and then outer circles from there, it’s a bit difficult for me to really know who is there and who is not. You set aside your room mates and best friends (aka the ones you see every day and talk to 24/7) and you have all of the rest. The co workers you’re close with, the class mates you hang on to for study advice. Who are you going to talk to after college?

I’m slowly starting to step out of my everyday college routine. The one I’ve casually had for the past four years. My board positions are ending, my jobs are coming to a close, and my classes are getting harder to focus in. I’m obtaining more free time, the one thing I dislike most in the world. Free time for most people is utilized either being productive or napping (ME). Normally, I would take free time to write here, or film with my camera, play piano, or even take a drive and listen to music. These past few weeks I have been panicking. Then applying for jobs and panicking more. It’s almost like my mind and body think that in a month or so, my entire life is over.

I know I’ll be okay, and I know that graduation will permit growth for me. I am grateful for my education and thankful for all the opportunities I have had in my college career. In this current moment, however, I am full of fear and uncertainty. I know it’s a good thing to be uncomfortable, so I’m embracing this full on feeling of loneliness I have right now.

I am also procrastinating heavily on a philosophy paper, so we’ll call it a night.

Until next time,

Bella.~”She believed she could so she did.”

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